Encountering Empathy - Or the lack thereof
Posted on 10/14/11
I just submitted by most recent blog post to The Doctor Oz Show - its focus is lack of empathy after sustaining a traumatic brain injury. Very interesting to research! I'll post the link here when it goes live...
Lack of empathy always astounds me when I am confronted by it. It seems as though it should be such an innate human response to another in need - that I for one, am always SHOCKED when it fails to materialize. What is interesting about this lack of empathy from those that experience traumatic brain injuries is that you forget, or fail to imagine, what this kind of person might actually be like.
As a working professional and loving mother, I pride myself in making absolutely certain that I am available for my son. Putting my energy into being the mother that my son deserves and needs from me takes priority. Over the years, I have become rather good at balancing the investment I put into my family, and that which I exert into work engagements.
Okay, so you want to hear my personal story. Simply put, way back when I was working with a woman that I enjoyed working for - job was good, money was great, life was sweet. When my son was born, he had an unusual heart condition that the doctors felt would leave his immune system compromised, as well as potentially require attention (even surgery) during his first year of life. Now, I had been a good employee for more than a decade, had never asked for much in the way of favors and was a reliable, hardworking drone.
When I went to my boss with a plan of action - not wanting to leave our son and his weakened immune system in a daycare starting at 6 weeks of age, my husband and I had worked out what we felt was an equitable solution - both of us would owrk from home two days a week, alternating days to maintain our hectic work committment and ensure our son's safety. I was almost certain that my boss would empathize and understand the request. In fact, I was almost 100% sure that she would see my heart as, not just a hard worker- one that loved working with her- but I also knew that she would see my heart as a mother and EMPATHIZE with our situation.
Boy, was I surprised. She extended no ounce of love, understanding or empathy towards my personal needs and desire to make sure that I was also here for her as a professional. Quite the opposite, she was very rude and incredibly insensitive. My message was clear with her, and her with me. It seemed so unlike her that it fueled my interest in the scienfic explanations for lack of empathy in certain personality types. Oh, and it also feuled my ass getting another J-O-B stat, but I digress.
One lesson I learned: how incredibly important empathy and selflessness is when interacting with those, not just personally but professionally. In fact, in today's digital enviornment,emphasizing the improtance of empathy amongst your teams in the office is critically important to their successes.
After all - no one is going to work hard for you if you don't see, and treat, them like human beings.
