| WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??
By Janine Driver, Lyin’ Tamer
Ladies, what was on the brain when you filled out your internet
dating profile and said you're looking for your soulmate?
Men, what were you thinking when you checked that goofy little
box that implied you're only looking to meet skinny women?
First things first, gals. The term "soulmate" is
the dating world's equivalent of the sacrifice bunt, in that
you're sure to advance the baserunner (aka, your dating competition),
while rendering yourself OUTTA THERE before you're anywhere
near first!
And as for you, gentlemen, try focusing a little more on
that spare Goodyear lurking beneath your golf shirt before
announcing to the world that only J.Lo. is hot enough for
you. We women are already a self-critical bunch without the
added pressure from our male counterparts to be "perfect".
A comedienne pal of mine whose waist is smaller than a bicycle
spoke has this great one-liner to share: “I’m
trying to get back to my original weight. . . 7 pounds, 5
ounces!”
Looking for more essential, MUST-KNOW tidbits of internet
dating truth? Lyin’ Tamer to the rescue with nine
tips to help your profile stand out from the crowd:
When you create your profile:
1. Let your own personality shine through!
Remember that the information you share should appeal to the
person reading it at the other end. A woman in my class mentioned
that she was really creative in her ad, yet didn't get the
responses she was certain would come pouring in! As it turns
out, her ad was written like a recipe: 2 parts funny, 4 teaspoons
of romance, etc. Instead, I had her rewrite her ad like a
sports announcer, which still made use of her creativity,
but in a way that was tailored to her audience! Within a single
day, she received over 60 responses!
2. Post a Picture. If some of you are worried
that coworkers or ex-partners may find your ad, then I'm here
to say, "get over it", because they are obviously
dating online too! If you don’t have a scanner, borrow
a friend's, or mail your picture directly to the dating site
you're using. Having a picture will increase your hits ten-fold!
First impressions are important! Be sure to use a picture
that's flattering and, of course, doesn’t include the
half-cut-off head of your ex standing next to you!
3. Write like you are sending a letter to your best
friend. Successful comedians make us believe that
the funny one-liner or goofy story they just came up with
is actually true. Their material is unique and makes us feel
like they're our friends. How is your ad unique?
You should be able to read your ad aloud ten times and say,
"wow, I can’t wait to meet this person!" If
you are bored, chances are the rest of us will be too!
4. Be honest about yourself. This means using
a current picture--not your high school yearbook photo from
1988! Also, state your current weight and height. That way,
there aren't any surprises when and if you actually meet up
with someone you've chatted with online.
5. Share a story that readers can remember you by:
“Oh, that’s Terry. She’s the one who auditioned
for Last Comic Standing and the judges said she had a famous
person’s name!” Don’t say you’re
funny-- just be funny! Don’t
simply say you like to cook; rather, put your love
of cooking in context by mentioning the Seattle Food Festival
you presented at last summer, etc. What you say should answer
the following questions: Who am I? How are readers going to
remember me?
6. Who cares? Ask yourself at the end of
each sentence, “Who cares?” If you can’t
come up with an answer, then you need to start editing. Are
you evoking some type of emotion in the reader? How do you
leave them feeling about you? Are you a movie we never want
to end or a foreign documentary with hard-to-read, never-ending
subtitles?
7. The Cliffhanger: leave them wanting to learn more!
Write your profile like a press release. Grab the
reader’s attention with a catchy headline. Put the most
important information upfront. Then, tell us a funny or interesting
story. Close with a cliffhanger, like:
"Doing stand up comedy with Robin Williams was not as
surprising as spoiling that other famous SNL comedian's surprise!"
,or,
"Let me tell you this: I’m now well aware of the
three reasons why hang-gliding in New York in August is not
the best idea!"
8. Avoid saying anything negative: Some
example of what not to say:
"I don't want someone with kids."
" I think all kids have a weird smell."
" I hate smokers."
" I could never date someone who's bald, especially if
he’s short!”
Keep in mind that a person who might otherwise fit your profile
perfectly may not be interested in meeting you if your negativity
is more palpable than your positivity. Maybe they're the favorite
auntie of his/her sister’s kids, or their parents smoke,
or their mom is losing her hair. Be sensitive!
Also, there's no need to highlight your personal limitations
or dirty laundry when you're just trying to get in the door.
If your ex-husband is now a convicted felon because he tried
kidnapping you and your daughter when you filed for divorce,
don't make this a featured item! EEEEEK! What were you thinking?
9. Update your ad at least once a week:
Why? To bump you back up to the top of the profile list! I
used to update my profile after every bad date, which provided
some great amusement for both myself and others on my dating
site.; I even had a fan club of people all over the country
who couldn’t wait to hear about my next bad date! One
guy licked my face at the end of our dinner, which I couldn't
help mentioning (no names, of course) in my next ad rewrite.
After reading my updated profile, my now fiancé wrote
to me with the subject line, “Dry face good. Wet face
bad.” Too funny. We are getting married this November!
Feel like you have enough information to take the online
dating world by storm? Go get 'em!! PLEASE REMEMBER
THOUGH: at the beginning, never give out
your phone number, address, the name of the company you work
for, or call someone you meet on the internet from your sister’s
house! While babysitting my little neice, I called one guy
from my sister’s house in Boston. Three days later,
I'd returned home to Washington, DC to discover that the same
guy had called my sister’s house at 2am! My brother-in-law
freaked out--and for good reason! What was I thinking?!
For more internet dating information to make you appear
more approachable and instantly increase your responses, register
for my course, “Become
an Internet Dating Detective and Determine Your Dating Destiny!”
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Lyin' Tamer™) and contact information (www.lyintamer.com)
is included immediately after the article.
2) A copy of the printed article is mailed to Janine Driver,
Lyin' Tamer™ at PO Box 50441, Washington, DC 20091 within
30 days of publication.
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